Saturday, August 11, 2007

We're Kinda Busy


Summertime is a difficult time to blog. By the way, I don't like the word, "Blog," being an official word that has been so Incorporated into our language it can be a noun or a verb. I don't know, maybe I'm being judgemental because it sounds a lot like blob. Well, anyway, as I mentioned we've really not been able to blog (gross) as of late. I've just been very busy with tanning and trying to save the world. Recently I tried to save a struggling young woman from herself, actually. As I walked down my block close to the midnight hour I saw a girl taking a "nap" in the middle of the sidewalk. This napping station clearly was poorly selected as I would imagine her decision making skills were out to lunch compliments of a popular injectible also known as heroine. Maybe it was crack. Not sure. Typically in NYC to see someone napping on the ground is hardly a noteworthy event. However, this young lady, had broken several of the unwritten rules to sleeping in the great outdoors. Number one: you have to nap up against a building. The middle of the sidewalk leads others to believe that you potentially did not intend on napping, as in you're dead or almost dead. Secondly, she looked like someone who had just past out after coming from dance class. She was donning short Lycra-like shorts, a tank top, and one of those flimsy back packs that people use to carry their tap shoes and stuff. This is not appropriate narcotic fiesta attire. Add to this that she looked relatively clean, another no-no if your goal is to not be disturbed while sleeping on a sidewalk. I factor all this into my mind and decided to call 911. I could see that she was breathing so I didn't try to wake her because people sometimes act like wild boar when they're on drugs. The last thing I needed was some doped up dancer flailing around before the ambulance arrived. So I stood back and supervised. I was a safety patrol in 5th grade, you know. Of course, all of Hell's Kitchen wanted to know what was going on too. I quietly told each and every passerby that I had called an ambulance and then gave each and everyone the "go away" look. So I'm waiting and waiting and then a throng of drunken tourists from the UK crowd around and start cackling, "She's dead!" Looking at me, asking me if I had tried to wake her. Suddenly, without my authorization, one of them taps her shoulder and what happens? She acts like a wild boar. Jumps up and spins around, looking at the crowd of people watching her nap and yells in a deep voice, "HEY!" She marches away in a zig zag and my heroic effort is thwarted. I don't think she was a dancer at all. All of her teeth were missing. So, in fact, she was observing one of the snoozing on concrete rules.
When the weather becomes lame again we will aim to increase the frequency of our important posts. You're anticipated understanding is appreciated. (I love "anticipated" anything, cooperation, compliance, generosity because it's a nice way of saying, "You better fu(kin' do whatever it is we're asking).

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