Field Trip Recap

Last week, Office Tan broke the big story that Owfice Burn and I were planning a field trip to a massage parlour in Chinatown. For those on the edge of their seats waiting for the recap, here it is…

First, I called the massage parlour to make an appointment and found that the phone line had been disconnected. I tried to tell myself that maybe they had forgotten to pay their phone bill. But let’s face it, I think that someone may have accidentally given an undercover NYPD officer a happy ending which may have resulted in the not-so happy ending of Best Chinese Qi-Gong Tuina Massage Parlour.

Owfice Burn and I did not give up on our field trip though as we knew that our Office Tan readers were counting on the riveting tales that would be born out of our massage adventure. With that, we found another cheap-o massage parlour on the Upper West Side called Magic Fingers. As you might guess, Magic Fingers is an upscale establishment similar to our former venue.

Owfice Burn and I drove to Magic Fingers and upon parking her vehicle, we realized that we would need approximately $500,000 in quarters to pay the parking meter since each quarter purchased approximately one nano-second of time. Fortunately, Owfice Burn and I are very wealthy so we went and exchanged $500,000 in cash for the equivalent quarters at a nearby drycleaner. Then we headed to the massage parlour.

The lovely staff at Magic Fingers quickly ushered Owfice Burn and I into a room with sheer curtains that served as partitions to our respective massage tables. As usual, Owfice Burn and I warned each other to not peek while we each undressed. I believe I may have seen Owfice Burn peek at me. But who can blame her for being drawn to my Cupid physique. Yes, I am shaped just like Cupid and I am proud of it. Oh and Owfice Burn thinks that I peeked at her but I didn’t.

To put it eloquently, my massage rocked. Owfice Burn’s massage rocked too. But at one point, Owfice Burn and I heard some loud breathing--not the creepy kind--just some weird breathing. We think it was either the heater or that one of our masseuses spontaneously caught Tuberculosis. Not sure. And that concludes another episode of an Office Tan field trip.