Have we mentioned that Office Tan has a special rescue fund for office workers who are trapped in an environment with idiot-gross colleagues? The fund pays for the recipient's salary so that he or she can run far far away from the oppressive (or just gross) place of employment.
Our first recipient is our dear friend Sporty Finance Woman. She became eligible for the award last week when her colleagues launched a Chicken Mcnugget eating contest upon learning that the greasy poultry fritters had made it to the 99 cents menu. One ambitious colleague hastily assembled a $50 grand prize while another called the McDonald's manager to pre-order 200 nuggets.
We cannot and will not let Sporty Finance Woman rot in this fraternity house that masquerades as an esteemed financial company. (We have important principles at Office Tan).
With that, we present Sporty Finance Woman with lots of money so that she may escape to her new life where no one will think that eating frozen chicken scraps is a noteworthy achievement.
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