Selective Memory

In a conversation the other day this person announced, "OH! To be a kid again!" And continued to elaborate about how much he wished he was still a kid. Shortly after I realized this person is out of his mind. Why the hell would you want to be a kid again?! I mean seriously. So for all of you weirdo Peter Pan's out there I'm going to ask that you consider the following top reasons as to why being a kid wasn't so grand:

10) You couldn't drive...Which led to all sorts of nonsense like wanting be dropped off a few blocks from your destination to avoid having to hug your parent or grandparent or whoever in front of all your peers.

9) You were broke. I don't care how much babysitting you were doing, you were still broke. Not to mention that every young adult has committed tax evasion.

8) There was a universal rule that you had to respect your "elders." Then you come to find out that adults are just older idiots that are allowed to disrespect anyone as freely as they please.

7) Your wardrobe had to reflect your parents' vision of what a "nice" boy/girl looks like aka duds that will ensure that you'll never get laid.

6) You had to sit in a single room all day with 30 of your peers and one really moody, stressed out "grown-up." And if you did anything wrong it was announced to everyone. Elementary school seriously violates like 10 million HR rules.

5)You were always being forced into weird hobbies that you may have wanted no part of like calligraphy or the recorder or chorus.

4) You had to use your imagination. Yeah, that's not hypocritical or anything, when adults get bored they just go stand in a room and get drunk.

3) You always had to pay in cash and you usually got that cash from the world's most nosy "ATM." It's kinda like if your ATM made judgmental comments every time you went to get money, like "$200, wow that's a lot, you don't have much left, what are you spending it on? A few drinks and a taxi, that's crazy, you're not going."

2) Gross lunches. Why do people think that kids need dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, pizza, french fries and sour patch kids to survive. That just leads to some really not-so-hot adults.

1) You're in constant fear that at any moment someone is going to try to steal your ass by offering you candy or something. Was it really necessary that every frickin' assembly had to revolve around how to get out of a kidnapping catastrophe? Um...Kidnapping is actually not so common.

Now I must go back to my really important, independent life.