At Office Tan, we believe in a woman’s right to choose her own style and further, we abhor that powerful women are routinely judged by their appearances while powerful men are free to look as butt as they want.
In response to Ms. Versace’s ignorant and old-fashioned sentiment, we could take the high road and publish an Office Tan academic paper on Donatella Versace’s role in the oppression of women. However, we prefer the low road and would like to make a few shallow judgments of our own. Let's begin.
Office Tan on Donatella Versace
In addition to her awful opinions, it appears that she is named after an adolescent Mutant Ninja Turtle. I suppose it’s fine to have a name that closely resembles that of a green cartoon character, however, if I were to find out that a cartoon turtle, sponge, rabbit, mouse etc was named Office Knight, I would quickly run to the courthouse and have my name changed to something more important sounding like Charlene. Charlene is an excellent name--much better than Donatella.
Office Tan on Dennis Hastert, Republican Congressman from Illinois, former Speaker of the House
Bottom line, he looks like his nutritional regimen consists of 6 kegs per day. If I were an image consultant and a reporter asked me to comment on Dennis Hastert’s appearance, I would eloquently say, “Red ties work best for him and he should stop looking so heart attack-y.”
Office Tan on Dick Cheney, Master of Darkness and Vice President of the United States
On the subject of heart attacks, I would say, “He needs to stop having so many damn heart attacks.” During the 2000 elections, Dick Cheney had to miss half the events because he kept having all of those heart attacks. And honestly, it’s just kind of embarrassing to have a heart attack twice a week. For lord's sake, stop eating bacon or donuts or whatever it is that is causing these problems! And yes, I know it’s not nice to make fun of people who have heart attacks, but Dick Cheney sort of deserves it after his leadership mishaps and his insistence on ruining everything.
Office Tan on Orrin Hatch, Republican Senator from Utah
Orrin Hatch was one of the ring leaders of Bill Clinton’s impeachment proceedings. And yes, we were all disappointed in Bill’s “critical lapse in judgment”. (Actually, we didn't really care) But Chris Rock said it best when he pointed out that some men are only as faithful as their options and, “Ain’t nobody trying to bl*w Orrin Hatch.” Exactly.
1 comment:
not to mention the fact that her permanently orange face is so 80's...
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