DAMN!

It's finally happened! I've listed some of the perils of having an office on wheels previously such as injuring someone if I bump them with my office or being fined for not paying for my office to stay somewhere for a certain period of time. I've adjusted to these things and it is what it is. BUT one danger I haven't taken seriously enough is the fact that others can see me in my office pretty much at all times unless I get on the floor or something. By the way, if I'm on the floor in my office it probably means I've decided I'm in some kind of grave danger or I'm taking a secret, unauthorized nap. Anyway, I like to pump up the music in my office and we're not talking respectable, cool-people music like indie bands or classic rock, I'm talking like KTU guido anthems. Put on "It's Raning Men" or a new fave "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake and I can't help but practically do the tootsie roll. Well...as I was walking into a meeting today I saw one of my customers miming what appeared to be someone driving a car, leaning back and dancing and I knew it, I knew it right away. As I approached the table he broke the news: "I saw you driving down 9th avenue groovin' in your car." I tried to play it off like I must have been joking with someone in the car but he wasn't having it, "You were alone," he said. Oh. I just let it go, my co-workers giggling with delight as they know about my propensity for really, really wrong music. That's it. So I got caught dancin' in my office, it was bound to happen. Have a great labor day y'all.

European Vacation

Office Knight and I are in the same family. I have an important story about our most recent family vacation, which was actually a year ago. I'm not gonna give you a play by play of the whole trip because that's boring rather I'll run down the list of the some of the most foolish moments in my entire life:

1. The fancy Peugeot rental is too small for all of us and our luggage and is a stick shift
2. Joanne (our other sister who works with toys) loses her luggage for about 2 hours
3. We get lost for about 3 hours
4. Office Raider offends all of Portugal by trying to use her Spanish to communicate
5. We almost roll into the ocean when trying to get up a 90 degree hill due to rusty stick driving skills
6. Office Raider whimpers as we almost roll into the ocean
7. Office Raider's mother tells her to shut up repeatedly and then kicks everyone out of the car
8. Office Raider's Father's retina becomes detached and can't join the family fun
9. Office Knight tries to pants office raider and gets smacked
10. It is concluded that violence may be a more effective strategy for conflict resolution
11. Ruby gets yelled for not informing Office Raider about an insect resting on her

At the conclusion of the journey to Portugal, I realized some major things about my travel preferences. I announced that my next adventure would be a well organized, highly commercial trip where everyone gets an itinerary and a hat.

There's a Plumber in all of us

I went to a really fine institution where I met my closest friend, we will call her Ruby (a derivative of her actual name coined by Office Knight). We proceeded to live together for all four years. We now both reside in the big (currently hot & smelly) big apple where we can continue to dote on our mundane accomplishments. Well this week there was a huge breakthrough at Ruby's residence. She has been complaining of unsatisfactory water pressure in her shower for over a year now and finally took the reigns and bought a shower head which would remedy the situation. I have to stress that low water pressure in a shower for anyone like myself or Ruby is a huge problem because we have big, poofy hair that takes hours to wash the shampoo out if the pressure isn't sufficient. We experienced this in a really, really unfortunate hotel in Jamaica. Anyway, she bought the shower head. Then she realized she needed needle nose pliers, which she referred to as "Needle Pliers." Well, in the big, smelly apple if you need "Needle Pliers" at 11:30pm someone's got 'em. So she went out and got the pliers to remove the vital piece from her shower that would let the new shower head function at it's best. The next morning I get a phone call from Ruby. She claims that when she turned on her shower she was "thrown against the wall." The visual of Ruby being slammed against the wall by her pseudo hydrant was really just too much. Thank goodness I was in my office on wheels where I could guffaw at my heart's content. She now will use her "needle pliers" to put the piece back.

Because We Ran Out of Ideas

We’ve been missing in action because, I, Office Knight have been at a very important health retreat and because we’ve run out of ideas for posting. It’s possible that we’ve already written on every topic that there is to write about. Sigh. It certainly is difficult being so deeply intellectual.

Last night, we had one last idea to write about. I was going to report on a riveting dream that I had in which I was put in charge of feeding farm animals. One of the cows told me that he was very hungry—famished, in fact. Upon closer inspection, I realized that he was lying and had plenty of food! Office Knight was deceived by a member of the bovine community.

To reiterate, it is agonizing to be so deeply intellectual. I opted not to post this engaging tale because Office Raider felt that it might detract from the high standards of journalism that we keep at officetan.com.

So no new content yet. However, if anyone has any special requests please feel free to post them in the comments or send an email. I could always revive one of my old fancy talents like reciting a Lee Press-On Nails commercial from 1986. Actually, I’d probably charge a fee for something like that.