Some Annoying Things of Note

I'm gonna make this snappy because it is WAAAAAAAAAY past my bedtime but I shan't go to bed mildly annoyed by the following things:

• NYC's Speakeasy Boom- I'm not gonna lie, I kinda dig these exclusive, hard to find, basement-y places where the word bartender is a four letter word...it's mixologist, which I don't debate as they do make some pretty crafty concoctions. However they take it a bit far when its starts involving raw eggs n' such. Here's my gripe though- Um, drinking is perfectly legal so all the pretend secrecy is starting to get cheesy, what's next we all start doing lines of powdered sugar in the bathroom?
  
• The Excessive Use of the phrase "Stimulus Package" in marketing- Dominos has a "stimulus package," Trojan has a "stimulus package." Though competitively priced pizza and condoms does sound lovely I don't think its exactly the solution to our nation's financial problems. Just a hunch.
• Some Questionable Fashion Trends- The "Jesus" flats aka Gladiator Sandal won't go away (literally, it looks like the shoes Jesus wore); Jumpsuits (aka "onesies" for grown-ups) are in- which I have mixed emotions about...some I like, others have drapey crotches which I am already predicting girls will admire on each other perpetuating this dreaded look; in the meantime, the drapey crotch frock will expertly function as a man repellent. Suiting is creeping into odd places...some of this is working for me, as you see here (horrid photo compliments of Top Shop's Look Book...are you serious?).
• Obama Jokes Involving Chicken and/or Watermelon- do I really have to explain this? Is this really considered funny to people? I'm not even referring to the obvious, offensive nature these jokes. I'm specifically disturbed by the fact that people are so simple minded that they still find chicken and watermelon jokes funny. I've been doing some stand-up comedy lately, how come these morons don't come to my shows? It would make it a lot easier for me...I could just go up there make a few bathroom jokes and maybe choke a rubber chicken and I'd be an instant success!

Lastly, insomnia is kinda dumb. I could do without that as well. But it's still not as bad as being subliminally tricked into wearing outfits that make me look like I lost a really, really important bet.