I have had a lapse in creativity as of late. Fortunately over the years the people around me have said some really ridiculous things. Here's a few things various people in my life have said:
I love drawing dicks
Darn these plastic things
Who's gonna be the next hot mess I'm gonna date?
Assholes ruin lives
I can't picture myself making love to another woman
For as long as I have a face you will have a place to sit
Why's the peanut butter on the floor?
C'mon Dan, we've got birds in the car
Don't ask me! I date homeless people
You'll be too bored to cry
Last time I went on a free trip I got raped in a laundry room
They [boobs] must have grown steadily each day we've been apart
That girl gives good blowdryers
No vogue-ing and driving
Is butter a carb?
That girl is 10 minutes away from being fat
That's impossible...I know every adult gorilla in this country
There's 6 billion people on this planet...can't you go spend some time with them!?
I love Miss Piggy...she's just so glamorous!
Fine! I'll sleep downstairs and get robbed!
It was the only time I ever laughed and jerked off at the same time
[At the DMV] This ain't no modeling agency!
[looking at a pigeon] Oh look a chicken...quack quack!
I've never had sex with a fat person...have I?
He smelled like a sneeze
I'm so cold I'm gonna light myself on fire
Holy sh*t! There's not even a fat one to ruin it!
Who has dusty holes?
I wish he would jump into a garbage can and light it on fire
I'm the king of caulk!
Y'all are real regular
I'm hung like a field mouse
Oh grooming is really important...if you have lice, you're in big trouble
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