The following are status updates I encourage you to stay away from on Facebook because they're dumb. I have a very mainstream mind so I know.
"At the gym/running/yoga etc:" Unless you're in sick shape do not post this on a regular basis because it will make people wonder why you're always at the gym/exercising so much but don't seem to be very fit and that's unfortunate.
"Sick:" Shut up. Now we all feel like we have to reply with "feel better." How sick are you? Clearly not sick enough to be face down in your bed because you're on facebook annoying everyone.
"Cleaning/laundry etc:" I have my own damn chores. I don't want to think about yours.
"Soooo stressed:" Wtf are we supposed to do with this? Are we supposed to ask what's wrong and then listen to an awful story about your job laden with industry jargon and proprietary terms we don't understand? Are we supposed to commiserate about the economy? Facebook is not your therapist.
"Sleep:" Get a clue. This is not an "update." What's next real-time "blink" updates?
Now some general rules...
DO NOT:
Send cryptic, loaded messages to an ex/love interest via your status update. We all know what you're doing and it looks pathetic.
Reference anything to do with your bodily functions (or malfunctions). Seriously, do you ever want to get laid again?
1 comment:
hilarious! And so true.. I know so much about people I know their bowel movements.
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