Thoughts from the Office

As I sit in my office cubicle, I find myself thinking of very important childhood memories like the time that I made a large fortune picking blueberries.

Every summer, I would visit grandparents Office Knight in Washington State. Besides having tons of soda and 2 large freezers full of ice cream, they had a blueberry patch. Picking blueberries rocked because Grandpa Office Knight would always put them in a bag, bring them to his church and sell them for a few dollars to a lucky parishioner. A few bucks here, a few bucks there and I was starting to feel like a very successful fruit vendor.

One day, Grandpa Office Knight informed me that he had received an order from his church friend for 20 pounds of blueberries! I knew that this was my chance to become a very wealthy child fruit vendor so I quickly took my silver bowl and headed to the blueberry patch.

Within a couple of hours I brought the silver bowl, now brimming with blueberries, to Grandpa Office Knight who promptly put them on the scale.

“2.5 pounds,” he said.

I quickly realized that my fruit vendor career was going to be extremely challenging so I begged my sister, Office sister, to join me out in the fields with the promise of large fortunes for both of us.

Off we went to begin filling our silver bowls. At first it was fine. We sang 80’s songs and talked about how we could negotiate a trip to establishments of culinary excellence like McDonald’s. As the time passed, tensions began to mount as we realized we had collected just a small fraction of the 20 lb order.

She claimed that I stepped on her toe on purpose (which I didn’t) and swiftly tossed her bowl of blueberries at my face—perhaps mimicking the mature pie-smashing antics of the Three Stooges. As the portrait of child serenity, I threw my bowl back at her. Now we had 0 pounds of blueberries. Grandparents Office Knight were called to intervene and quickly counseled us on our fruit picking obligations.

The next day, Office sister and I toiled again in the fields vowing not to lose our blueberry crop during heated discussions. Although we adhered to our plan, Office sister stepped on a banana slug in bare feet and in fright, threw our crop into the air. In thinking that perhaps she had been attacked by something very scary, I dropped my bowl and ran away.

My career as a fruit vendor was in serious jeopardy so Grandpa Office Knight stepped in and labored in the blueberry patches until the order was filled.

“How much will we make per pound,” I asked Grandpa Office Knight as he loaded the bags of blueberries into his car.

He muttered something about being a good Christian as he announced that he would be collecting 60 cents/lb or a total of twelve damn dollars.

This concludes today’s important office thoughts.