A: Tanning salon accident is a term used to describe the conspicuous lobster-esque hue that results from laying below a set of UV ray emitting flash bulbs for a little too long. How do people get tanning salon accidents? One culprit is the junky $5 tanning bed in the back of your "mom & pop" gym’s menthol-scented locker room. The people that man that seldomly-santized capsule have very, very little interest in dissuading you from putting your pale-self in for 20 minutes to "prepare" you for your trip to the Carribean. Then there are your more "upscale" or commercial tanning salons. This is where you find yourself signing forms and giving your entire sun-exposure history to some 16 year-old with bigger tits than you. Then she wants to shove $45/oz tanning "primer" down your throat to help "ya culla develop and last longa." Anyway, my point? These places want to avoid tanning salon accidents at all costs to the point where you waive your right to bitch at them and blame them for your new borsht-like complexion. Then you have to compromise your integrity by "haggling" with teen-titty to get a few extra minutes normally reserved for your melanin-ly gifted folk by claiming you’ve never burned. This is for the overzealous, procrastinating "occasion" tanner. You’re meeting up with an ex for the first time that dumped you to "focus on his career;" You’re going to a wedding and you’ll be face to face with the guy you had a sloppy, drunken one-night stand, who happens to be one of the groomsmen… who you’ve not seen since you called him "cowboy" at 4am. These, my friends, are the worst cases of tanning salon accidents.
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